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Anna Grace

 Back in January of this year, my wife came to me with tears in her eyes and said, "I'm pregnant".  Now, why would a woman, who wanted to have a baby with me so badly, have tears in her eyes.  One reason...and one reason only...she knew I didn't really want more children.

I had told her that at my age I really didn't want any more children, that I really just wanted to raise the three boys we had at home and enjoy life.  We were able to do the things we wanted to without too much hassle.  She would tease me about having more children, how we could have a whole bunch and she wouldn't care.  But as I approach retirement from the military, I just didn't think that was a good idea.  My position was...I don't want us to try, but if God says we are going to, then so be it.  Well, God said we were going to have a baby.

So as she tearfully told me we were going to have a baby, there was no hesitation as I hugged her and said, "OK, we are going to have a baby".  Not one thought of getting rid of the child I really didn't want to have.  We were going to have a baby, and the excitement in her eyes was radiant.  Unfortunately, I just couldn't share that excitement.  Even as we found out we were having a girl and began shopping for girlie things, that excitement just didn't show.

As the months went on and we approached the delivery date, I still was not getting real excited.  Selena was getting jitters and had a 3-D ultrasound done so she could get an idea of what our baby girl was going to look like.  I did not want to know, I was getting interested in this baby, but wanted the look of our girl to be a surprise.

Well, delivery day came and as I held my wife's hand on the table as she had her C-section, I heard that little girl cry her first cry and the tears flowed.  I was so very proud of my wife and felt so blessed that God thought I still deserved to be a new daddy.  I leaned into my wife and tearfully told her how very much I loved her.  I was excited!!!

We are now just over two weeks from Anna's arrival.  She has blessed us with a unity that is unlike any other.  She is the most beautiful little girl and so special to me.  I may not have been excited we were having a baby, but I am thrilled we have one.

Today we are in Day 9 of the 40 Days for Life campaign against abortion.  My mind cannot fathom that anyone would kill such a wonderful gift.  God felt I was worthy enough to raise another child for Him.  With Selena as my wife, I can easily get by any questions I had about being too old, too impatient, or not good enough as a father. 

Was I excited nine months ago about a new baby...no.  Am I excited now...not really....I am ecstatic!!!!  I love my life right now.  Everything is going well and I have God to thank for all of it.  He decided that all of my past mistakes did not disqualify me from continuing to receive His blessings.  Selena already wants another one...and honestly, I can't say it would be so bad.